Sour Times

I guess starting your bleak day with Radiohead isn't a good idea at all.
Not that it's a shitty band, in fact, Radiohead is one of my favorite's bands. It's just that the idea of choosing 'Knives Out' as the first song to start my sombre Tuesday can't seem to cheer my mood up ... I change to Rammstein instead.

I'm not a depressive person. But the song just reminds me of what happened to me not so long ago. I hope typing it down could gradually chew the memory ...

I fell in love. I guess I fell in love after having detached myself from that kind of thing for so long. I fell in love and opened up myself, only just to realize two months after that ... that I'm rejected, unwanted anymore. So many things have been going through my mind ever since. Sure I'm 22. Sure I have a long future ahead if I didn't end up in a sanitarium or was smashed to dead (I'm quite a careless road-crosser)... but right now a questions keeps echoing in my head, over and over, whether I behave in the right way? Do I give in too easily? Do I express myself so much?

Maybe it is and yes, I think it definitely is. But how can I help it? It's just the way I am. Usually I don't give a fucking care of what people think of me but right now, I'm in the vulnerable time and I do really need more strength.

Uhm, I use the title from Portishead, but why did I talk about Radiohead? Totally irrelevant, urgh ...

The world's explained in a Starbucks

And Saturday! Congratulations for those who can get up at 2pm. Me? Here I am, sitting in the office and wondering when the torturing 4 hours would stop. My working hours.

But this Saturday is a bit different since my mom decides to visit my beloved university where I've spent 4 years in the prestigious uniform. It's nice to have a mother who cares but also not nice to be forced to wake up at the 6am to accompany her. After a short visit and walking-around, we decided to give ourselves a little treat at Starbucks.

Ah ... Starbucks, I wonder if Bangkokians, no, the rest of the would, could survive without getting crammed up in line just to buy THB 130 Ice Caffe Mocha every morning. Imagining the world without it seems to be an outrageous one. Tutors going to Starbucks to teach their students, students hanging there to work on homeworks and term papers instead of outdated libraries. And here what I've witnessed:

My university's MBA students who have class at 9am, sharp. (seen at 9am, sharp as well in Starbucks located 600 M from their buildings)

3 high school students: spotted: two Blackberry. one iPhone. one iPad and surpringly,
notebook on maths with messy handwritings (I wrote like that when I was in kindergarten)

Papa and his little daughter. Papa is with a Vaio and the girl is playing Fishy Aquarium game on it. Sorry. I don't know what the game is really called.

and my mom sits in the armchair, reading some hi-so magazine :S

...


Oh Starbucks ...

here comes Friday

When I hear the words 'Friday,' my heart and body boost up. It always sends out a very significant meaning. For those who are still in schools, it means 'Hello weekends! no classes, yes!!!' and for those who have regular working schedules, Friday is the symbol before the two only days that they're gonna be resting.

Why am I talking about Friday and how my heart and body can be boosted up by it? I'm extraordinary since I still have to work on Saturday from 9am to 1pm and have a tutoring job afterwards and on Sunday as well. So, it seems like I won't even have a single free day for my rest.

But the fact is, I can't help it. If I stopped making myself busy, I would be having too much free time in my hands and that would eventually lead up to sitting and thinking ... I'm quite a paranoid person. I mean I think a lot. Sometimes my thinkings are quite academical but sometimes I could be dwelling in petty, nonsensical things. (mostly my worries and pessimism)

2 or 3 months ago, I just graduated. I was thrilled by the opportunity and driven by a bit of insanity as well. When I was still in university, I imagined life after graduation as thrilling, adventurous and free ... absolutely free!!! Then, I find everything opposite from my first presumption. Here I am, sitting in the office as a marketing assistant and wondering if I'm fit enough for it. I'm thinking of quitting it at the end of this month since I need to travel for a while. Then here comes another subject on money. Sure I'll get my last salary, but being stranded on an island without a single dime isn't fun either unless I can find a temporary job there, maybe a waitress or barmaid?

I think I started the subject on Friday and its significance but how the hell I did end up talking about my polarized and idealistic future ... I should take English Composition course.

Ciao!

the 1st!!!

Honestly, the idea of having my own blog is just something out of the ordinary. Sure I love to read, write and express my ideas to others but when I think about all the negative consequences ... creating the blog, updating it, wondering whether anyone would wander to read my bric-a-brac of ideas. Also, the toughest question is, which language should I be writing in? I'm Thai but I feel more comfortable writing in English (and French, but only the really basic ones) ... as far as I can tell, I'll be switching the languages as I please, it's my own blog btw.